It ain’t love

I really want to be in like right now, like i was, not that long ago. It was the best feeling ever, a long with the worst. I realize now that I have not genuinely liked someone before her, who the hell knows about after. It was all just so right. We were right that is. The timing was so wrong. I’ve got time well she’s got freedom pretty much sums it up. The time was wrong for her, and wrong for me too to be honest. But i really miss her sometimes. Not usually, but sometimes. I miss her yoga pants, and I miss her smell, and I miss her weird chicago voice, and I miss her terrible driving and car, and I just miss her essence. I just don’t understand it. I know she liked me, I know it. I just really put her off somehow, and now there’s no getting her back. And that kinda makes me feel like shit. But now its back to man whoring. yay. I know its not preferable, but there’s nothing else I can do. I’ll go hard until I accept she’s gone. At least she didn’t leave me for another dude. It was for a lifestyle. And who the hell was I to ask her that? Some junior who she knew for two weeks? Someone she was gonna leave anyway? I sure as hell wouldn’t put up with that my senior summer. Better sooner than later. She made some very valid points that I knew in my heart to be true. Shit, I was gonna say what she did sooner or late. That is the only thing that gives me solace. And there’s the fact that I know i will find someone out there somewhere, sometime. I know now that I am capable of like, and its all that I want. No title, no strings, no “love”, no confusing shit. I just want like. And it’s better now that its over I guess, knowing that those moments were real. Knowing that I will always have them, always cherish them. Now I am but a lost soul again. I am on my way, but not sure where I am going. I’m not sure where this road is leading me, but I will meet it with open arms. It’s all i can do.